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Joan Kerr Looking Back a keepsake from Memoir for Me memoirforme com

Mom From my earliest memories of you sitting with me on the bench waiting for kindergarten class to my recent 40th birthday you have always been there for me You have always put Bevitt and me before anything else and that is something I hope to emulate with Eamon and Zoe You not only have taught me how to be a caring and compassionate person but how to be a loving parent I am glad that our kids are able to spend so much time with Grandma and have an idea of how lucky I was to have you as a mom Thank you for everything Love you mom Russ To my lifeline You are my everything You have taught me how to be strong how to keep going and how to be a good mother I love you Bevitt

If wishes were horses beggars would ride If turnips were watches I d wear one by my side If ifs and ands were pots and pans There d be no work for tinkers hands 16th century Scottish proverb 4

Joan 1945 Joan Stephanie Hakkio Kerr is a self described follower of people She followed a friend to Miami of Ohio then another to Northwestern She was constantly pushed by her parents towards academic endeavors and ended up with several advanced degrees along the way While her life path may not have been entirely her choosing she wouldn t have it any other way x Joan was born in Cleveland Ohio on December 5 1944 to parents Olga Leila Stephan and John Arnold Hakkio The Hakkio family lived in and around Cleveland for most of Joan s youth Joan was joined by brother Jack in 1947 Olga was a stay at home mom involved in the church and the school PTA and also became a shark of a bridge player John was an aeronautical engineer working with Cleveland Pneumatic Tool Company working contracts for Hughes Aircraft and NASA He traveled frequently but always made time for family Joan says she took after her father in demeanor He was Finnish stoic and reserved especially when compared to his Hungarian wife Olga Her disposition was bubbly loud and social 5

Despite her father s work and travel demands he always made it home in time for dinner Bedtimes were early but Joan remembers a wake up call for a special show It sounds crazy but Jack and I had to go to bed for an hour or two and then could watch I Love Lucy with our parents John and Olga probably just wanted a break from the kids Jack and I never went to sleep We d start in the bed and then we would sneak down and sit at the top of the stairs until they said it was time for us to come down As the only girl Joan was raised in a similar manner to her brothers Her father taught her and her brothers how to box Jack was thrilled when he finally got big enough to beat me The family lived on W 210th Street in Fairview Park about 15 miles west of Cleveland Jack and Joan shared a room a rehabbed attic space The close confines and age encouraged disputes I probably terrorized him when we were young Frequent exchanges between them went something like this 6 John and Olga Hakkio 1944 Joan and Jack with parents 1951

Cousin Bobbi Jack and Joan 1951 Joan I m gonna tell on what you did Jack What did I do Joan I m not telling you you know what you did I m gonna tell if you don t do insert any demand for me Joan capitalized on his brother s penchant for trouble The joke was he always did something wrong He and my mother always tangled He d always be getting into trouble so he figured I knew something he didn t I never knew anything but I would just threaten him so he did what I wanted Being the oldest had its advantages In 1952 Craig joined the family Joan was more maternal with her new baby brother Craig and I were very close I did a lot babysitting when he was born I took him out for walks and cared for him He was probably like my doll That didn t mean things were always perfect between them there was resentment By the time her brother Craig came along the family had money for things that she and Jack grew up without A sore point was I had always wanted to take piano lessons but they couldn t afford a piano But Craig got a piano 7

Joan attended Garnett Elementary through 5th grade when her father got a job transfer out west to work more intensely with Hughes Aircraft Company which was based in Glendale California So the Hakkios left the Midwest for the West Coast and spent the next 3 years in Pacific Palisades California nestled in the hills outside of Santa Monica The street they lived on was called Las Lomas Place and other locals included B list actors and other minor celebrities Ronald Regan lived in Pacific Palisades We ran into his family at the shoe store one day My friend Judy s father was the doctor for Elvis Presley one of his many doctors Judy was a member of an elite club that Joan was lucky enough to be able to join What made it easy for me going out to California was that my name started with a J There was a group of girls who had started The J Club and they invited me to join Besides hanging with the 5 Js at Marquez Elementary then Westwood Junior High Joan also spent time exploring the local habitat 8

Stephan family 1959 My brothers and I would go exploring caves and my mother was always outside in the backyard killing rattlers Life was quite different from Northeast Ohio Joan struggled to fit back in when visiting family back home I can still remember visiting family back in Ohio and going with my Aunt Pearl and cousin Bobbi to the store I merely had a bathing suit on and they said You can t wear your bathing suit to the grocery store I said Why Everyone does in California Women wore bikinis to go shopping It was very different Joan s mother Olga adapted well to west coast living My mother really liked California a lot better She felt free out there I think she always felt insecure about not finishing college a little inferior But out in California she really blossomed and was involved in all kinds of activities She made a lot of friends and nobody knew her past But the Hakkios did not stay long John was offered a dream job with NASA at their satellite office near Cleveland s Hopkins Airport so the family returned back to Fairview Park In 1960 John built a house at 21330 Hillsdale Avenue It was a house they loved so much they would move into it twice In 1962 John bought a huge piece of land on the east side of Cleveland in the town of Russell about 30 miles on the opposite side of Cleveland John envisioned a spacious California style ranch home for the family The Hakkios sold Hillsdale and lived for a time in an apartment in preparation for building the new home in Russell Except when it came time to move again the family voted 4 1 in favor of 9

staying in Fairview Park Olga was involved with the local church and PTA The kids were entrenched in school and social groups Olga s sister Pearl and husband Chuck were close by Why move On a whim John contacted the new owners of the Hillsdale house and they agreed to let John buy it back They moved back in 1964 Through all these moves Joan was in high school at Fairview Park where she was continually pushed by both parents to perform Maybe it was because he was an engineer but my dad was very enlightened at that time with a daughter He insisted that I take a math or science program for 4 years I ended up going with the sciences and I remember absolutely hating physics There were only 3 other girls in my physics class This was a ongoing source of conflict between Joan and her parents as she had dreams of working as a secretary or flight attendant right after high school instead of four more years of school Both my parents said absolutely not You re going to college to get a degree in something you can use Both John and Olga were raised during the Depression and wanted their children to have better opportunities than they had growing up I see now that they had a hard life and wanted to make darn sure that their kids had every advantage In the end Joan listened and in 1961 left for Miami of Ohio about 4 hours from home She roomed with her childhood friend Lynn Roberts Moll and met other friends that would remain friends for life such as Pam Davis 10 Getting ready for her senior prom 1961 Hiking the Matterhorn 1974

In Paris 1974 Joan and Stan in Greece 1975 It wasn t until college that I realized I could be more of an A student I just realized that 90 of success was just showing up I went to class I did the assignments Things just clicked She chose to study elementary education and graduated in 1965 She got a job as a special education teacher at a middle school back in Fairview Park The joke is that first year of teaching is a Valium year My first semester was so bad my dad said I should go back to school and get my PhD Joan s close friend Cherry Ingive and cousin Bobbi Aker were both studying at Northwestern University in Evanston Illinois She applied to the PhD program and got in just as things were improving with her job My dad insisted He said You may be a girl but you can do anything a boy can do and you re going to do it Just go He refused to let his daughter settle Joan first got her Masters in Counseling a year later and while continuing her PhD program got a job teaching part time and working as a psychologist at Northeastern University on the north side of Chicago I got a PhD and became a college professor in a very unusual route Though in some ways thinking about it I don t think it was that unusual for women growing up in the 50s and 60s Things just kind of happened it was never my career path from the beginning 11

Juggling classroom time work demands and working on her dissertation probably didn t allow for much free time but she still managed to meet someone special in 1971 Stanley Roy Kerr was teaching philosophy at Northeastern when he bumped into Joan and a friend in the school cafeteria I was with my friend Carole Burke he was probably more attracted to her because she was more outgoing But it was Joan who had his attention They started talking then dating A year passed and Joan decided it was time to get serious I said to him Are we going anywhere with this He had been much wilder than I was growing up His parents really liked me His father loved me Turns out that the time was right Stan asked Joan s parents for her hand in marriage and proposed to Joan with a ring and a dozen roses They were married on May 26 1973 in Fairview Park Ohio The memories are a blur The next day we flew to Reno and San Francisco for our honeymoon Shortly after getting married Joan left Northeastern to teach at the College of Lake County in Grayslake Illinois The couple lived in Joan s one bedroom apartment in Evanston at 1501 Maple Street across the street from the Evanston YMCA They enjoyed married life together and made time to see the world 12 Joan and Stan s wedding day 1973

On a cruise to Egypt 1975 I had never really traveled that much until we got married Almost every year we went somewhere overseas They saw Greece Egypt Switzerland and France together In 1977 Stan and Joan were blessed with a baby boy Russell John Joan didn t slow down much at work and when needed brought Russ to work with her You know those days when they re sick but not that sick Well I remember one time thinking he s not that sick and lo and behold he threw up in the car Luckily her coworker Diane Krumm was able to help and watched over Russ so Joan could teach On healthier days Russ was incorporated into her curriculum I was teaching Piaget and different stages of childhood development As kids humor takes on a slapstick element because young brains look at words so literally I told the class about taking Russell by a furniture refinishing shop with a sign advertising hand stripping He was just hysterical over it I milked that story for years But Russ wasn t as excited about being used as a teaching device He d tell me You re using me as an example again Stop doing that 13

While the balance of work and family life was not always smooth Joan and Stan made it work Life got even busier in 1981 when daughter Bevitt Lila came along Joan continued to work full time while now juggling two kids Stan was able to take the kids to Camelot Preschool on his way to his teaching job at Northeastern At least once a week they went to Poppin Fresh Pies now Bakers Square I think they went through all the different pies The growing family stayed at 1501 Maple moving from Joan s onebedroom to a two bedroom when Russ was born then a 3 bedroom apartment when Bevitt came along If there was a 4 bedroom apartment we never would ve bought a house Stan wanted nothing to do with taking care of a house or a lawn But he finally agreed that they had outgrown the apartment building on Maple Street and in 1984 they bought a single family home at 2503 Noyes They were still in Evanston but on a beautiful corner lot in a wooded area It was the perfect combination of city and suburb with the shops along Central Street just a short walk away The young family still managed to travel even continuing their travel overseas One of their favorite destinations was Paris They stayed several times at the Pantheon on the Left Bank Other travels were more rustic Stan was a fan of camping and took his son Russell on many boys trips out west to sleep under the stars play chess and watch Star Wars at a local hotel 14 Welcoming daughter Bevitt 1981

La Porte Indiana s finest Holidome 1983 Daughter Bevitt was included in the camping trips too though she was a more reluctant participant Bevitt wasn t thrilled about it She d be crying the whole way out in the car She did not want to go But she had a good time once she went Joan preferred to spend time with the kids at a theater house rather than in a tent Russell and Bevitt got to see The Phantom of the Opera Les Miserables Peter Pan and other classic productions at a young age cultivating a lifelong love for the arts Every holiday season the family would see A Christmas Carol playing at the Goodman Theater Other holiday traditions involved long road trips Each Christmas Joan and Stan would manage to visit both sets of parents even though they lived over 500 miles apart I don t know why we did this We would drive to my parents in Cleveland and have Christmas Eve and then on Christmas Day we would get up at 4 or 5AM and drive to Burlington North Carolina to be with Stan s parents We did that every year It was a lot of driving in a short span of time but once they arrived the kids loved the attention 15

Russell and Bevitt got catered to at both places Both enjoyed asking what there was to eat But the long drive was challenging This was before you had to have kids in car seats They d both be in the backseat and it was always Bevitt He s on my side Russell Well she s touching me Whole family sing alongs to Mitch Miller s Christmas songs or John Denver classics helped pass the time and left lasting memories as they took those country roads back home Life took a dramatic turn for the Kerr family in June of 1988 Bevitt was in 1st grade and had come down with chicken pox not concerning by itself What was concerning was the seizure that followed If Stan s parents hasn t been with us I don t think we would ve done anything She had a brief seizure for a minute but they called the ambulance and they went to the hospital They couldn t find out what was wrong with her They thought she had encephalitis so she had a spinal tap A CAT scan a few months later revealed something far worse They said she had a brain tumor and we think it might be benign Then she had surgery and that s when we found out it was not benign I remember just thinking oh my God I can t believe this Stan Bevitt Joan and Russell 1987

Family hike 1984 Christmas 1988 The cancer was rare enough that many experts had to weigh in They shipped the tumor all around for people to decide Finally a doctor at Duke University made the final call It was an unusual oligodendroglioma stage 3 During surgery doctors removed as much of the tumor as they could An aggressive radiation schedule followed From September through December of 1988 Bevitt went back to Highland Park Hospital for treatments twice a day both before school and during lunchtime The family tried to maintain some semblance of normalcy with kids back to school and Joan and Stan back to work You just get up and go on My parents and Stan s parents came and stayed and helped take her to treatments It was best just going to work The experience was traumatic for the whole family including her son I think it took a toll on Russell We just didn t have much time for him and he had to fend for himself a bit Russ was in 6th grade starting middle school and buried himself in school and sports Thankfully this story has a happy ending Little Bevitt was a fighter She didn t have any side effects from the radiation she wasn t tired she wasn t nauseous Even better her brain scans following treatment looked clean and aside from a few suspicious spots in future years the cancer has not come back 30 years later Bevitt is defying all the odds 17

Life blessedly got back to a normal routine with school for the kids and work for Stan and Joan No matter how busy their lives got dinners together were the norm Both Joan and Stan took turns cooking with Joan favoring more standard fare like pot roast or meatloaf Stan was more eccentric He was a better cook and he would go through all kinds of permutations of what diet to follow This week we re on a vegetarian diet then the next week it would be a brown rice Stan couldn t just make meatloaf He d make salmon loaf with a cream pea sauce Whether the kids preferred one chef over the other is unknown but we do know that they loved what came after dinner The kids and I would ride our bikes up to Central Street to 31 Flavors to get an ice cream cone Stan and Joan were great partners in life together teaching their children the importance of education Religion however would come and go Stan grew up initially active in the Lutheran church His grandfather and uncle were both ministers But around high school Stan declared himself an atheist Our Sunday mornings consisted of going to the Field Museum or Science and Industry Museum We d get there just as they opened This is back when they were free The family would spend an hour exploring then grab something for lunch in the cafeteria This was before either museum got very fancy In the Field Museum I remember the kids loved the ratty stuffed animals But after Bevitt s cancer scare the family returned to the church 18 Kerr family 1993 With Pastor Paul from Trinity Lutheran 1989

Stan and Joan 2000 It s true what they say there are no atheists in the foxhole Stan decided we should go to church He was the one who wanted to do it They briefly looked at the local Presbyterian church but then decided on Trinity Lutheran in Evanston after a warm welcome there Stan s passion for service would wane but Joan remained consistent I made the decision that if we re going to make the kids go then I have to go too Joan knew the value of a good role model I didn t just want to talk about things You had to model them If we re going to say religion is important well then I have to go to church I felt strongly about not being a hypocrite As the kids grew older Joan and Stan had more time for friends including mutual friends Kathy and Nelson Armour While Stan was fine with his small friend network Joan branched out more and made lasting friendships with the people she worked with at the College of Lake County and in her Evanston neighborhood Joan also made a point to visit brothers Jack and Craig as well as close cousins Bobbi and Sandi and all their growing families That s one thing that I always regretted with the kids is that we had no family that lived nearby 19

But Evanston became home The kids thrived in school first at Haven Elementary then on to Evanston Township High School Russell went on Kenyon College and Bevitt went to school at Ohio Wesleyan both small liberal arts schools back in Joan s home state On April 7 2003 tragedy struck when Stan died in his sleep of a sudden heart attack He had been ill but we didn t expect this Of that dark morning Joan remembers having to make the many calls to inform family calling the kids Stan s brother Steve mother Ella and her cousins Russ was living in downtown Chicago and returned home to stay with Joan for that first week Bevitt was in her senior year at college and flew home But Joan persuaded her to return so she could graduate with her class later that spring Joan s brother Craig came and helped organize paperwork and financials Close friendships formed through the years also gave comfort Lynn Saegebrecht Diane Krumm Maureen Starshak Liz Pirman Karen Owens Nancy Sims and Kathy and Nelson Armour Time helped heal the loss as well as staying busy Joan went back to teach at CLC and stayed there until she retired in 2008 Not surprisingly Joan has not spent her retired years sitting down She regularly volunteers with the Hillside Food Pantry Meals on Wheels and serves as a crisis counselor and trainer with the Stephen Ministry at Trinity She has cultivated a love for gardening through the years and in 2010 became a Certified Master Gardener working with the Chicago Botanic Gardens But her favorite garden to spend time in is her own backyard on the corner of Noyes and McDaniels 20 Bevitt Joan and Russell on Holden Beach NC 2005

With grandkids Zoe Lila and Eamon 2016 Celebrating her 70th 2014 I have to have something to do everyday If I don t have something to do I would be stir crazy I don t need a lot of people but I need some interaction even just talking to neighbors on the street I want to stay active to do things Joan continues to feed her love for travel seeing Mexico Belize France Ireland Portugal Italy and South Korea with friends and family She takes regular trips to Cedar Key Florida where the Kerr family owns a condo right on the water While Stan s absence is still felt Joan now has 3 grandchildren Eamon Zoe and Lila that bring much joy I like being a grandma You re not the disciplinarian you re there to let them know that they are loved During the course of her life Joan has touched many lives through her work in the classroom volunteering and caregiving She s achieved academic success she s financially comfortable and she has her health to keep up with her grandchildren as well as those pesky weeds But of all her success she s most proud about something close to her heart All the degrees came by happenstance I m proud that the kids have turned out well I hope that they re happy and confident and feel good about themselves I wish the same for the grandkids If she could tell that shy young Joan something now with the gift of wisdom that only comes from life experience she would tell her To be more confident in myself You just have to do it After my mother died my father told me that you ve got to play the hand your dealt It s the only hand you ve got 21

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